THE YEAR IS ALMOST ENDING

I don't have tests in school anymore and the only exam I'll have until the end of the year is the one you take to help you get into college which is something I don't wanna do, specially in Brazil, so that can only mean one thing: I'M ALMOST FREE!

I'm just so happy I don't have to study for real until the end of the year tho I do wanna study a bit for the college exam thing but still, I'm so glad.

That can only mean one thing, once I'm done with my Spanish project I'll be able to do LOADS AND SOME LOADS MORE of Christmas videos and blog posts and snacks and decorate the house and I'M SO EXCITED (!!!!!)

Seriously, I'm just SO excited for Christmas and I've been like this since September and it only grows, so if you don't like Christmas you'll have to bear with me, thanks.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm happy and I'm even excited to clean my bedroom (WAT) because of how happy I am and just how much I want December to come so that 1) I'll be able to oficially say I'm on my Summer vacay and 2) it will be socially acceptable for me to wanna do everything related to Christmas (even my mom is hating on me for that)

So that was is for today, talk to you soon!

Procastinating and PROUD OF ZOE

First I'd like to start this post by saying I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF ZOE I CAN'T EVEN.

In case you don't know she just recently launched her beauty line called Zoella Beauty (Available here and here) and I'm just so proud of her I feel like a mom.

I haven't been following her blog and her YouTube since the very beggining and I don't remember when I started reading her blog but I do remember that I watched her reach 1 MILLION subscribers and now she has 6 million, which is INSANE.

Anyway, I'd just like to say how proud I am of her and I just think is so nice that I was able to watch her become everything she is today and accomplish everything she has accomplished so far, this is just amazing.

I'd also like to talk about a bit of my life because, well, I'm selfish like that.

Recently I've been having so many things to do and I'm just like, so unable to sort my time out and get myself going its insane. I literally can't get anything done. I get so sidetracked even with YouTube that is something I enjoy SO MUCH. I just feel like I have such a creativity block and I hate it. What do you guys do to battle that? I'd LOVE to know.

But yeah, I'm just feeling rubbish because of this and I wanna get so much done like, make all the late homeworks that I got and film LOADS of videos (which I can't bc CREATIVITY BLOCKED UGH), but I also wanna edit them all in advance because it is so much easier like that. Then again school doesn't let me cause I have tests throughout the entire month of October and I really have to study and clean and organize my bedroom since it is a HUGE MESS.

And then there's also my fun like, reading. I have so many books I want to read and I just can't seem to find the time to read them. But I also can't seem to do anything I have to do so WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? There are also the many many series I'm currently watching but can't get back to them because I feel like I have no time. I wish I could have a time-turner so that one of the versions of myself could do the boring part, the other could do the fun part and everything gets done and sorted and I live happily ever after.
(LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF THE OWLS THAT HAVE MY HOGWARTS LETTER DIDN'T GET LOST)

Anyway, I just wanted to write cuz when I write I kind of lose this block I have going on. It didn't work but I love to write anyway so.. 

I've Reached The limit

Before I start this I just wanna say I'm really sorry for not posting for a HUGE while, I was having tests in school, so I had no time.

But, anyway, I just wanna tell you guys that I'm just done. With everything.

I mean, something has got to be wrong cuz I hate most of my life and the only part that I don't hate is YouTube and this blog, which no one that I know in person knows about.

And I feel bad about hating my life considering the fact that I have a good house, food, internet and electronics, go to a great school and all that and there are people who have no water do drink.

But I do feel like I am allowed to hate it.

No one will ever be 100% happy with their life but I could be at least a tenth of that happy with it.

I just feel so done.

Done with my parents that annoy me by just storming into my room and talking bullshit they know I couldn't care less and they just keep on annoying me with the whole "you used to treat us better" thing. They need to get some things. First: I'm not a child who just always depends on them always. Second: Eventhough they shelter me and I kinda depend on them on that aspect, I don't want to and I hate that. And third: I get over people really fast like, I met you yesterday and a week from now I can get pissed if you just breathe next to me, and I've lived with them all my life.

So yeah, I'm annoyed by the fact I don't live alone and can't get my beloved privacy while you're around.

Also, my friends. I'm SO BEYOND done with them.

Last year we were four and fraking close and then two of them travelled to study abroad and some bitch joined me and my other remaining friend. If you couldn't tell, I don't like this girl.

And we had a deal that she would back off as soon as one of my friend came back since she was coming back six months earlier than the other. She didn't leave our little group.

The thing is, they like her. They still think us four are better but they like her and I don't. And I'd never ask them to picl one over the other cuz just the fact that I'm making them pick would make them pick her.

I tried and told myself I'd leave them during break to read or something and I even left the group on WhatsApp (they made another) but I just can't. They will ask me what's wrong and then I'll have to tell them. And I just hate that so much.

I just wish I could go somewhere else and start over and be myself and do what I love, and for that I'd wanna live alove cuz if I become the real me my parents will also be like "you've changed" cuz they're ALREADY like that and I still behave (aka fake) most of the time.

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore and I just want to leave this place and have my own house or live in a University or something like that to be myself and do what I love and be alone. The happiest I am when I'm at my house is when I'm alone.

So basically, I just want, no, I NEED to be able to start all over again.

Where's my hero at?

On my blog post about Fake Friends I told my heroes to apply. Where are you?

I figured you might not think you could be the one for me. Well, I'm gonna tell you what you need in order to be a hero of mine.

First, if you're a guy you got points. I get annoyed by girls pretty easily and they piss me off. Great taste in music, have an amazing hug (who doesn't need to be hugged by their best friend sometimes?), have to be able to talk about EVERYTHING. You can either love books or music (or both), but music is just fine and great. And please BE FUNNY.

Okaay, I'm joking. There's no "special formula" for best friends (yes, I'm looking for a male best friend not a boyfriend, don't get me wrong). There's also no such thing as becoming friends like this. It just happens. And I'm not saying this in a cliche way, like couples who say "It just happened". Sometimes in can "just happen" but let's see the amazing couple that is Lilypad and Marshmallow from HIMYM. Their story has (for like, 9 seasons) been that, when they were in college, Lily needed help for her stereo that broke and she decided to knock on a room and Marshall was the one who opened the door and they just fell in love and had sex and stayed together until the very end. But on the ninth season we came to find out that she knocked on that door on purpose because she had seen him and wanted an excuse to talk to him. So no, it didn't just happen.

Of course, Lily could not have been Marshall's 'type' or something, but they meeting wasn't fate.

Anyway, this is not the point of this post. I just wanted to write and complain about the fact that I have no best friends.

And today specially I'm feeling very needy cuz yesterday I met one of my greatests friends from my English course (he's a he btw) and I completely adore him because he's just amazing. But the problem is, we never talk and we haven't seen each other since last year.

I just don't wanna start conversations because I always start them and I don't like him in THAT way and he might think I do. But I just miss him loads and yes, I told him that.

He could be my hero, but he's currently being someone else's. So by now I'll just have to wait until I meet my actual hero. Hope he has a nice cape.

(That sounded SO perverted, like 'cape' had other meanings or something IT DID NOT)

High School Sucks: So does all the other kind

Yesterday I had my English course graduation and it made me realize how much time we waste with educacion. Sure, we need to study and get knowledge on usual things but we just spend so much time at school and I just can't understand that.

I mean, I spent eight years of my life doing an English course but I'm only fluent in English because of how many movies, series and videos I watch, all the songs I listen and sing and all the books I read (they're all in English).

But I just wasted so many afternoons on this course and I got the basic grammar and vocabulary, but why did I have to stay there for eight freaking years?

Other things that gets stuck in my mind is actual school. We have pre-school, middle school and high school which all takes about 14 years (in Brazil, at least) and all that is meant to what? To get you into a good college aka MORE SCHOOL.

I just don't get it. In the US, Canada and some other places you can at least choose some of the subjects you're taking so you can have a bit of fun in some classes that you chose because you really enjoy doing whatever the class stands for. But in Brazil, you just can't choose anything. You take 14 subjects, most of what you won't ever use on the rest of your life, depending on what you'll do with your life and the rest you just throw in some deep dark place in your mind and it gets wiped out of your knowings.

But what actually gets to me is high school.

Being currently ending my Junior year I think I'm good enough to talk about it.

At the end of middle school you already feel tired and done, but you at least look foward to High School and hope it is better. Let me just tell you: it's worse.
If you're at the end of middle school and it's sucking and you think "Oh, I won't worry cuz when I get into High School it will all be like on movies and it'll be amazing." sorry to disappoint you, but it won't.
Sure you can be lucky enough to have a great time, but most of the times, it isn't nearly as close as the way you fantasize it.

During these two dark years of my life I discovered the worse part of it is that, because you want it to be just like in the movies/series, you have so many amazing expectations and you think A LOT about what other people think.
Want an advice: let go of the expectations.
Okay, you might think I'm being pessimistic, but my experience hasn't been so great.
I'm not saying that you have to always expect the worse and think every type of bad thing will happen during your high school years. I'm just saying you should not expect to find the love of your life and start dating him on the first day of school.
If that happens, great! You're extremely lucky.
The reason why I'm saying all of this is just because I have been having a terrible time with it. It might be because I hate to live in Brazil and if I studied abroad I would probably like it more (I might not like school more, but just to be living somewhere else I'd be WAY happier).
It may also be because I have no actual friends, you know, the kind of friends you tell everything to and you love and bla bla bla, or the ones you can ALWAYS count on (like Scott and Stiles' friendship I'D DIE FOR IT -with Dylan O'Brien and Tyler Posey of course).
I'm just saying, if you think your life will be worked out on high school, stop because mine just got fucked up. But that could just be me and my miserable luck.

Fake Friends and Pretending

It's really hard to have to pretend to be someone you're not or fake some things in order to have someone to call a "friend". Of course, if they don't like you for who you really are, they're not actually your friends, but sometimes you just feel scared.

I know that because I am scared. I'm scared of showing who I really am and being rejected.

I've been this person for really long and this used to be who I was or who I thought I was. And that was the person who got the bits of friends I have right now. But I've changed so much.

Last year was the year that I got REALLY close to three girls who I cherish A LOT. They're my besties and I love 'em. But last year was also the year that I started finding out who I truly am.

Unfortunately, I kept that person to myself.

The real me is the total internet person who hide (or relesses herself) via YouTube, this blog, Twitter and mostly, books (okay, this is not internet but whatever).

But to these three girls I'm less like that and more social which I'm most definetely not (I'm TOTALLY anti-social, just so you know).

And then there's a forth unwanted girl. She's friends with one of my friends and, because of it, she became my "friend". But the thing is: I don't like her. And having to hang out with her SUCKS.

I'm not saying I hate her or whatever. I'm just saying I cannot stand to be next to her sometimes. Like today, I just wanted to stab herself and spend break time at the Library with my dear old book. But I couldn't because I hang out with my friends because around them I'm a different person.

See where I'm getting at?

The thing is, I just wish I had friends who know that sometimes I don't wanna be around people and whom I can talk to about anything without feeling like I'm being judged or whatever.

Or maybe that I could become the person who I really am around those "friends" that I already have.

It just really sucks to have to put quotations around "friends" because they're not real ones.

That's it. I just want un-quotation type of friends. At least one. Probably a guy cus I'm easily pissed by girls.

Heroes, please apply. I'm in need to be saved.

Having a little break..

So, if you check on my YouTube channel you might have realised that I haven't posted a video during the month of August. The reason for that is that things started getting a bit complicated and I'm having a hard time with it all. Maybe I'll talk about my problems in the future, but for now I'll just say that I'll be back, promise.

It's been tough but I love making and editing videos, so I won't stop making them. This brake won't be a recurrent thing although I'd REALLY love to make videos only when I have AT LEAST good lighting, but that won't happen anytime soon. Therefore, I might just keep on doing them.

Which is why I'm gonna focus A LOT more on here.

I hate the layout of it but I don't have money to pay for a template, but I do love to write.

I never actually know what to write about and end up not writing at all but I decided to talk about myself or the things I love.

I use YouTube as a scape from my real life, but sometime I don't have enough time to film and edit videos like I want to. So, blogger it is.

I've always loved to write and I tried several times but only now I have the urge to talk, to say something.

Y'all will find out what I'm going through probably very soon and I hope something good will come out of it, at least for me.

Anyway, I have so much to talk about, hope you want to listen.

See you soon!

TRXYE

So, for those of you who don't know, I am incredibly in love with this little boy named Troye Sivan.I just feel like he's the most charming and amazing person on Earth.

I got to know him by watching Zoe Sugg (Zoella) and also Tyler Oakley and completely fell for him.

He's just incredible and I can't even begin to describe how much he inspires me. But this post is not supposed to be about him or how he changed my life, it's supposed to be about his new single "Happy Little Pill" and his new EP "Trxye".

Troye's been working on those for quite a while and I can say with my whole heart: I'm SO f*cking proud of him. If you haven't listened to Happy Little Pill or pre-ordered the album, I SERIOUSLY don't know what's wrong with you.

The song has so much meaning and I totally connected to it but it also has an AMAZING beat and it's LITERALLY the only thing I've been listening to since he early released it on his Tumblr on Wednesday and when it became available on iTunes on Friday as well as the Pre-Order of the whole EP.

So yeah, this is just a post to let you guys know how much I love this bastard and how much I'm proud of him for achieving everything he's ever achieved and for being so close to achieve even more. Love him loads and CAN'T WAIT to see a bit more of him.

Talk to you soon!

Let's Get Started!

Hey everyone!

So, I finally started my blog! I'm still working on some design for it but it'll all take so long because I'm rubbish at doing anything HTML related and don't have the money to buy a good template. So I decided to start blogging and then edit some bits as I go.

This post is just to tell you all that I'M HERE. And ready to start.

I've always LOVED writing and attempted to start a blog many times before, but since I started my YouTube channel for good, there are somethings that I might wanna talk about but won't make a whole video for it, therefore I decided to keep up with this one.

Let's all hope I manage to do it!

Love you all!

P.S.: Please, excuse my blog mess until I figure it all out, I'm doing my best the quickest I can.