I've Reached The limit

Before I start this I just wanna say I'm really sorry for not posting for a HUGE while, I was having tests in school, so I had no time.

But, anyway, I just wanna tell you guys that I'm just done. With everything.

I mean, something has got to be wrong cuz I hate most of my life and the only part that I don't hate is YouTube and this blog, which no one that I know in person knows about.

And I feel bad about hating my life considering the fact that I have a good house, food, internet and electronics, go to a great school and all that and there are people who have no water do drink.

But I do feel like I am allowed to hate it.

No one will ever be 100% happy with their life but I could be at least a tenth of that happy with it.

I just feel so done.

Done with my parents that annoy me by just storming into my room and talking bullshit they know I couldn't care less and they just keep on annoying me with the whole "you used to treat us better" thing. They need to get some things. First: I'm not a child who just always depends on them always. Second: Eventhough they shelter me and I kinda depend on them on that aspect, I don't want to and I hate that. And third: I get over people really fast like, I met you yesterday and a week from now I can get pissed if you just breathe next to me, and I've lived with them all my life.

So yeah, I'm annoyed by the fact I don't live alone and can't get my beloved privacy while you're around.

Also, my friends. I'm SO BEYOND done with them.

Last year we were four and fraking close and then two of them travelled to study abroad and some bitch joined me and my other remaining friend. If you couldn't tell, I don't like this girl.

And we had a deal that she would back off as soon as one of my friend came back since she was coming back six months earlier than the other. She didn't leave our little group.

The thing is, they like her. They still think us four are better but they like her and I don't. And I'd never ask them to picl one over the other cuz just the fact that I'm making them pick would make them pick her.

I tried and told myself I'd leave them during break to read or something and I even left the group on WhatsApp (they made another) but I just can't. They will ask me what's wrong and then I'll have to tell them. And I just hate that so much.

I just wish I could go somewhere else and start over and be myself and do what I love, and for that I'd wanna live alove cuz if I become the real me my parents will also be like "you've changed" cuz they're ALREADY like that and I still behave (aka fake) most of the time.

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore and I just want to leave this place and have my own house or live in a University or something like that to be myself and do what I love and be alone. The happiest I am when I'm at my house is when I'm alone.

So basically, I just want, no, I NEED to be able to start all over again.

Where's my hero at?

On my blog post about Fake Friends I told my heroes to apply. Where are you?

I figured you might not think you could be the one for me. Well, I'm gonna tell you what you need in order to be a hero of mine.

First, if you're a guy you got points. I get annoyed by girls pretty easily and they piss me off. Great taste in music, have an amazing hug (who doesn't need to be hugged by their best friend sometimes?), have to be able to talk about EVERYTHING. You can either love books or music (or both), but music is just fine and great. And please BE FUNNY.

Okaay, I'm joking. There's no "special formula" for best friends (yes, I'm looking for a male best friend not a boyfriend, don't get me wrong). There's also no such thing as becoming friends like this. It just happens. And I'm not saying this in a cliche way, like couples who say "It just happened". Sometimes in can "just happen" but let's see the amazing couple that is Lilypad and Marshmallow from HIMYM. Their story has (for like, 9 seasons) been that, when they were in college, Lily needed help for her stereo that broke and she decided to knock on a room and Marshall was the one who opened the door and they just fell in love and had sex and stayed together until the very end. But on the ninth season we came to find out that she knocked on that door on purpose because she had seen him and wanted an excuse to talk to him. So no, it didn't just happen.

Of course, Lily could not have been Marshall's 'type' or something, but they meeting wasn't fate.

Anyway, this is not the point of this post. I just wanted to write and complain about the fact that I have no best friends.

And today specially I'm feeling very needy cuz yesterday I met one of my greatests friends from my English course (he's a he btw) and I completely adore him because he's just amazing. But the problem is, we never talk and we haven't seen each other since last year.

I just don't wanna start conversations because I always start them and I don't like him in THAT way and he might think I do. But I just miss him loads and yes, I told him that.

He could be my hero, but he's currently being someone else's. So by now I'll just have to wait until I meet my actual hero. Hope he has a nice cape.

(That sounded SO perverted, like 'cape' had other meanings or something IT DID NOT)

High School Sucks: So does all the other kind

Yesterday I had my English course graduation and it made me realize how much time we waste with educacion. Sure, we need to study and get knowledge on usual things but we just spend so much time at school and I just can't understand that.

I mean, I spent eight years of my life doing an English course but I'm only fluent in English because of how many movies, series and videos I watch, all the songs I listen and sing and all the books I read (they're all in English).

But I just wasted so many afternoons on this course and I got the basic grammar and vocabulary, but why did I have to stay there for eight freaking years?

Other things that gets stuck in my mind is actual school. We have pre-school, middle school and high school which all takes about 14 years (in Brazil, at least) and all that is meant to what? To get you into a good college aka MORE SCHOOL.

I just don't get it. In the US, Canada and some other places you can at least choose some of the subjects you're taking so you can have a bit of fun in some classes that you chose because you really enjoy doing whatever the class stands for. But in Brazil, you just can't choose anything. You take 14 subjects, most of what you won't ever use on the rest of your life, depending on what you'll do with your life and the rest you just throw in some deep dark place in your mind and it gets wiped out of your knowings.

But what actually gets to me is high school.

Being currently ending my Junior year I think I'm good enough to talk about it.

At the end of middle school you already feel tired and done, but you at least look foward to High School and hope it is better. Let me just tell you: it's worse.
If you're at the end of middle school and it's sucking and you think "Oh, I won't worry cuz when I get into High School it will all be like on movies and it'll be amazing." sorry to disappoint you, but it won't.
Sure you can be lucky enough to have a great time, but most of the times, it isn't nearly as close as the way you fantasize it.

During these two dark years of my life I discovered the worse part of it is that, because you want it to be just like in the movies/series, you have so many amazing expectations and you think A LOT about what other people think.
Want an advice: let go of the expectations.
Okay, you might think I'm being pessimistic, but my experience hasn't been so great.
I'm not saying that you have to always expect the worse and think every type of bad thing will happen during your high school years. I'm just saying you should not expect to find the love of your life and start dating him on the first day of school.
If that happens, great! You're extremely lucky.
The reason why I'm saying all of this is just because I have been having a terrible time with it. It might be because I hate to live in Brazil and if I studied abroad I would probably like it more (I might not like school more, but just to be living somewhere else I'd be WAY happier).
It may also be because I have no actual friends, you know, the kind of friends you tell everything to and you love and bla bla bla, or the ones you can ALWAYS count on (like Scott and Stiles' friendship I'D DIE FOR IT -with Dylan O'Brien and Tyler Posey of course).
I'm just saying, if you think your life will be worked out on high school, stop because mine just got fucked up. But that could just be me and my miserable luck.