Fake Friends and Pretending

It's really hard to have to pretend to be someone you're not or fake some things in order to have someone to call a "friend". Of course, if they don't like you for who you really are, they're not actually your friends, but sometimes you just feel scared.

I know that because I am scared. I'm scared of showing who I really am and being rejected.

I've been this person for really long and this used to be who I was or who I thought I was. And that was the person who got the bits of friends I have right now. But I've changed so much.

Last year was the year that I got REALLY close to three girls who I cherish A LOT. They're my besties and I love 'em. But last year was also the year that I started finding out who I truly am.

Unfortunately, I kept that person to myself.

The real me is the total internet person who hide (or relesses herself) via YouTube, this blog, Twitter and mostly, books (okay, this is not internet but whatever).

But to these three girls I'm less like that and more social which I'm most definetely not (I'm TOTALLY anti-social, just so you know).

And then there's a forth unwanted girl. She's friends with one of my friends and, because of it, she became my "friend". But the thing is: I don't like her. And having to hang out with her SUCKS.

I'm not saying I hate her or whatever. I'm just saying I cannot stand to be next to her sometimes. Like today, I just wanted to stab herself and spend break time at the Library with my dear old book. But I couldn't because I hang out with my friends because around them I'm a different person.

See where I'm getting at?

The thing is, I just wish I had friends who know that sometimes I don't wanna be around people and whom I can talk to about anything without feeling like I'm being judged or whatever.

Or maybe that I could become the person who I really am around those "friends" that I already have.

It just really sucks to have to put quotations around "friends" because they're not real ones.

That's it. I just want un-quotation type of friends. At least one. Probably a guy cus I'm easily pissed by girls.

Heroes, please apply. I'm in need to be saved.